Is It Getting Easier?

I can’t say it’s getting “easier”.

Getting out of bed isn’t a struggle.

I am starting to be more involved in the things I enjoy doing.

I don’t feel as hopeless.

I am still having issues with my anxiety.

I had to buy a pill organizer thingie so I could look at it and see that I have taken my pill…10 minutes after I have taken it, because I can’t remember if I did take it, even though my watch reminds me to take it.

So easier? No.

Better? Yes.

(I am still amazingly weird, so I have that going for me, lol.)

I can talk to TeenThing now about how she is feeling and what she is struggling with, without feeling like I gave this to her.

I had struggled with that for so long. Feeling like I was responsible for her mental illness.

Photo thanks to Vicki Penny Photography

Being medicated has given me some clarity when it comes to how I was not being present in my life, which means I was not present in hers.

I am able to recognize that now, and I can manage things better without falling down the rabbit hole. I can face it without beating myself up and running away.

I guess I can explain it like this: It’s a bubble wrap thing. I wrap myself up and take the hits, thinking I’ve given myself the correct armour, when all I’ve done is soften the blow a little bit.

So, I guess the meds are my armour.

I will still get dents, but I am better prepared for battle.

@crazymamaruns

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2 thoughts on “Is It Getting Easier?

  1. I’m so glad that you’re taking care of yourself and that things are getting better. Easier will come with time.

    For me, medication is about it giving me that little extra “oomph” to do the things that I know are good for me and my brain – running, cleaning the house, staying in touch with friends – all those things and more. I try to see it as one of many tools in my arsenal of weapons – a very important one. Medication is also very good at helping me to see things with a bit more clarity, which is what sounds like is happening with you, too. And that’s a very good thing.

    xo

    Like

    1. It is definitely helping me with the fog, that is certain. I focus on the day as much as I can so I don’t stress myself out about looking ahead to next week, or next month. xo

      Like

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