I Was Afraid

So let’s just dive in.

One of the things that I am afraid of, when I go on my medication, is that I am going to “lose myself”.

It’s part of how my brain tries to trick me into thinking I don’t need the medication.

In the back of mind I KNOW it won’t turn me into someone else, but there is that part of me, of my brain, that grasps tightly onto self preservation.

It has taken me years to become comfortable with who I am, and who I have become. I don’t want to lose that.

Since I was self aware of my mental health and it’s decline this time, I had to keep telling myself that the medication will not change who I AM, it is changing the chemicals in my brain so I can be myself.

There is still a chance that I will require something else for my anxiety, and I am okay with that. That component of my illness is still a tad ramped. If I need to have a combination of medication, then so be it.

There is NOTHING shameful about needing medication. I cannot express that enough.

I am making sure I move. I am making sure I have human contact (outside of work). I am taking time for me.

I am still weird.

I am still awkward.

I am still wickedly awesome.

Rock on my fellow weirdos.

Rock on.

@crazymamaruns

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