It’s funny how quickly self reflection turns into some extreme self criticism.
Struggling to take expectations off of oneself is not easy.
There is an internal daily struggle:
Why can’t I figure this out?
Why am I so stuck?
I’ll never figure this out.
I’m not capable of *insert thing here*.
I’m not smart enough.
I’m not going to get through this in one piece.
Funny thing is: I know I’m capable, I know I’m smart, and I have gotten myself through some pretty awful shit.
What I am coming to terms with right now are my “mistakes”. I have always seen my mistakes as failures and not lessons. I am slowly trying to gather the lessons and learn what my roadblocks are.
I’m also going to have to use my “toolbox” of skills more when it comes to stressful situations. It’s so easy to head into a tailspin.
My Sunday runs with my BRF are helping (and the runs I have that are my own, without technology and without social media posts).
Making sure I wind down every night also helps.
I need to remind myself often that I can’t do it all, and no one is expecting me to do it all.
My journey into self reflection is a long winding road.
I’m always learning.
Always reminding myself: I am a human.
Doing my best.
One chaotic day at a time.