Running and the Seesaw of Depression

See this girl here?  This is a happy runner.

Sun, snow, and a happy 5k.
Sun, snow, and a happy 5k.

I am not always like this when I run.  Some of my solo runs are hard sloggy messes.  This is where running becomes more than a physical game.  Mentally a hard run is rough for any runner.  For me a hard run feels like complete failure and no matter what I tell myself, I agree with the voice that is whispering in my ear.   Lanni Marchant herself could sit beside me and say “It’s just one run”.  I still hear the voice.  The one that says “Why bother, you suck”.

If I don’t get enough sleep, any run can turn into a soul sucking event.  This is why I love my sleep.  It is one of the most important parts of my half marathon training.  It is a big help mentally as well.

I cherish my good runs.  A LOT.  These make my sloggy messes melt away and I am charged for my next run.  If I am having a good stretch of happies then I can pick myself up, dust myself off, and live to run another day.  🙂

But if my next run is not so good, and I am not at my best, the seesaw stops being a regular flow and I crash to the ground.

The equation varies, which creates so many possible outcomes.   I struggle with this every time I train.

Sunshine can make a bad run not so bad.
Sunshine can make a bad run not so bad when I am feeling okay.

When I have a couple of sloggy messes that I need to remember that: #1 I am a human being, #2 I am not getting paid to do this, #3 That means it is not the end of my running, #4 Everyone has bad runs, even elite athletes, and #5 I am lucky to be able to lace up and do something I love.

Running doesn’t always lift me to where I want to be, but it is something that I love to do.  Giving out big sweaty hugs post run can be quite enjoyable 😉

Running bonus:  Long run celebratory treats 🙂

My fav:  Coffee and Chocolate Croissant!
My fav: Coffee and Chocolate Croissant!

Keep fighting for happy my friends, even on your darker days.

@crazymamaruns

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