Sounds Funny Right?
I love being out around people.
I know that my mental illness contributes to my “I can’t people” moments. I’ve learned that is just a part of who I am now, and that’s okay.
I had a really bad anxiety filled “OMG I am going to be out in a group on the open water” moment Friday night. This was right before my 2nd sea kayaking adventure at East Coast Outfitters on Saturday. Now, I absolutely LOVE this activity. Like LOVE LOVE. But I had this “how can I get out if it” moment that I had to sit down and talk myself out of.
It is always worth it in the end, going out and doing something I love.
|Happy Me. I have awesome friends.|
The struggle is real. REAL. So, to show you the weirdness that is me, here are some of my confessions:
- I get the heebie jeebies just about every morning on the bus. Especially if it is full. I have to listen to my meditation app, a podcast, or turn up my music and try to make myself small so no one is touching me. I only talk if it is necessary, like if the bus is on fire.
- I love people watching, just sitting out amongst the everyday hustle and bustle, but being in a large crowd turns me into a flight risk on occasion. The “world is closing in on me” feeling sneaks up and turns me into a panic stricken ball looking for the nearest way out.
- I get excited to make plans with my friends to do something AWESOME. About 4 to 24 hours after the fact, my brain hijacks my heart and starts to plan an escape route.
- I can work a party like a rockstar, once I’ve had time to analyze the room. If there are too many “in my face people”, I start to plan my stealth, ninja-like, exit.
- I love being in crowds and meeting new people. Depending on my level of social energy, you may get the low down of who I am and what I stand for, or you just get the Cole’s Notes version of me.
- I may want to spend every weekend out and about, but that drains the fun out of me. There are days I don’t leave the apartment, and it doesn’t bother me at all. Silence and a reboot are what I need.
In the right environment, I will flourish. I just need to be with the right energy.
So, if I seem a little “stand offish”, I’m not. I’m just feeling you (and my surroundings) out.