BlogJam 2015, Ativan and How 8 1/2 x 11 Paper is Bad for Speaking Notes

I Enjoyed Every Minute of BlogJam 2015!!

Even though I wanted to vomit.  
And not because I had a bug.
My day started off early, as I was taking the Public Limo downtown.  This only runs every hour on Sunday.
Once I arrived at the Ferry Terminal I was able to catch the amazing sunrise over the harbour 🙂

After which I had to Periscope my Wake Up!
I was early, so I grabbed my reusable coffee mug at work.  Because environment.
My anxiety level was at a very low 10%.  Yay.
On arrival, I was able to see the BlogJam Team in action.  They were awesome! Seeing them pull it all together before registration was kind of calming 😉
One of my favourite parts.  MAKING MY OWN NAME TAG!!

 

Sparkly 🙂

I then fuelled up while I waited for my fellow bloggers to arrive.  I was so lucky to be able to spend the day with some of my favs!!

Anxiety level was creeping up….like 25%.

And Then it Began….

KeyNote Speaker was Vicki Murphy (aka @MotherFumbler) who got the mood set with a down to earth, real, and HILARIOUS welcome.

(GIRL CRUSH – I LOVE HER.)

I was then on a mission to learn, all while attempting to silence the looming anti-voice inside my head.

So off I went to follow the “be real” theme that ran through the 2nd floor of the Marriott Waterfront.
(Some real:  I was slowly losing my shit.)
I attended some awesome sessions.  I mean look at this.  It was so hard to chose!

And then we eat.  You know, not long before MY presentation.

Lunchtime arrived and every one broke off to eat.  I bought my lunch, so I grabbed my bag filled with chicken ceasar wrap awesomeness and took an Ativan.  Yep.  Medicated myself.
Anxiety level….reaching 110%.  For real. 
Luckily, after I scarfed my lunch down, I was able to hide behind Adam Purcell‘s table, where I charged my phone and tried NOT to vomit, while praying to the Ativan God to HURRY UP AND WORK ALREADY.

I then removed myself from the area.  I could not attend a session before mine.  It was just NOT going to happen.
I listened to some music and decided I NEEDED TO RUN.

Yep.

Took off my boots.


I love these little boots 🙂

I ran outside of the main presentation rooms.  For real.

I did some downward dogs.  

A few pushups.  

And took a big deep breath.

Anxiety level….CODE RED.

But it was go time.

And so I did it.

I stood up in front of people and spoke.


I had speaking notes, which was a printout of my bullet points.

I can’t remember what I said, for the life of me, but I remember this:  that paper is big, maybe not in the paper world, but for someone who was killing paperclips by the millisecond, it was the largest paper I had ever seen.

By this point, even with my friend Ativan, the voice of my mental illness was LOUD inside my head.  I was doubting every word that came out of my mouth.  
That being said, I hope something got across to the absolutely wonderful folks who came and sat in on my session.  You were a wonderful group of people.  Some who I knew, and some I met that morning.  
I kind of lost myself near the end, mostly because of THAT PAPER, but I did it.

I survived the voices in my head.
Also, I got some AWESOME JAM!!

This jam ROCKS!

What Did I Learn?

BE REAL.  Above all else.

We all have a voice.  Find it.  Write with it.

Say yes, no matter what the outcome.

Group Panel sessions are great to get different perspectives.

If you get stuck when writing, it’s okay.  We all get stuck.

Put yourself out there by taking chances.

Bloggers are awesome people….and I am one of them.

Thank you BlogJam 2015!  You let me step outside of my comfort zone.  I learned so much!

See you next year 🙂



@crazymamaruns







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